Torturing That Girl
by polka spots
Summary: Following through snapshots of moments in 70s Hogwarts, the relationship of James and Lily is explored, right until that particular moment in seventh year... COMPLETED! SO LOAD ON THE REVIEWS!
1. The Train: First Year

Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine, but golly I wish they were….

A/N: This story is related to a chapter called 'The Penseive' in my story 'Emerald Green.' Each chapter has a specific James/Lily moment from each year at Hogwarts. Hope you like!

The Train – First Year

"Bye mum!"

"See you soon, darling, and make sure you eat properly!"

"I will!"

Pushing her way through crowds of people, Lily Evans walked away from her mother with a heavy heart as she went to board the Hogwarts express. Extremely nervous, Lily shoved her book underneath her arm and stepped daintily onto the train, without noticing the Wizard families, some rather absurd, or a boy with jet-black hair grin in her direction.

Lily Evans waved her small hand towards her mother as the Hogwarts Express left Platform 9¾ leading her to her first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Quite sure that she was going to be hopeless and friendless because she had spent 11 years believing she was a Muggle, Lily walked curiously through the train looking for a compartment where she could read quietly. After realising that everywhere was full, Lily slumped back against a wall and listened to the conversations of the people in the compartments nearby…

"Oh yes, I want to be in Slytherin of course, it sounds by far the best…"

"Did you see the latest model in the Cleansweep series?"

"I'll swap you ten Chocolate Frog cards for that one!"

Lily sighed; she clearly didn't belong here and was almost wishing that she was starting her first day back at a normal Muggle high school. Slytherin sounded like some bizarre code or language, Cleansweep reminded her of her mother sweeping the kitchen, and she wasn't quite sure what a magical chocolate frog could possibly do. Convincing herself that she surely didn't belong here, she took Petunia's words to heart, maybe she really was a freak.

hr 

James Potter was extremely excited. He had never been allowed onto the platform before, and he was now standing in front of a steaming Hogwarts express, taking him to learn how to hex and finally give his wand a little exercise. Knowing he would most definitely find someone to talk about the recent Quidditch game, James pushed his way forward onto the train, with a mere wave at his parents behind.

He brushed past other first years like himself, stopping briefly to look at a sad girl with flaming red hair and bright green eyes about to board the train, waving sullenly at her mother. He smiled at her for a brief moment, hoping she'd notice, aiming to perhaps sooth some nerves she had, but she ignored him, and clambered on the train. Dismissing this as nothing, James walked into the first compartment he saw, and was quickly joined by two nervous looking boys, and one other that was talking excitedly about the curses he wanted to learn.

"Hullo there, I'm James Potter," he told the other boys, who introduced themselves as Remus, Peter and Sirius -who would not stop talking about learning a certain bat bogey hex. Feeling rather content, James hoped that he would perhaps become friends with these boys, and started chatting about his desire to purchase a new broom.

"Did you see the latest model in the Cleansweep series?"

"We can't go into house teams straight away, bloody rules!"

After talking for quite a while, the lunch trolley finally wheeled past their compartment, and James stepped outside, escorted by a still-chatting Sirius, to buy several chocolate frogs for himself and his new friends. Thanking the lady courteously for the chocolates, he turned to enter the compartment again, but paused when he noticed a small redheaded girl sitting on the floor about the start crying.

It was the girl from the platform, James doubted that he would soon forget that mass of red hair. She was very pretty, he thought, prettier than any other 11-year-old he had seen, anyway. The girl looked so sad, he wished he could do something to help her. After deciding quickly that he would go and talk to her, he felt a strange need that he would have to get some courage to try and approach this girl.

While walking over to her to invite her to talk to the other boys with him, the train gave a large jolt, resulting in James falling over, and the several packets of chocolate frogs to fly through the air, in Lily's direction.

"Sorry, I must have slipped"

"Good shot, James!" laughed Sirius, with Remus and Peter clearly audible in the background. James couldn't help but feel awful for her. Standing up to leave, she shot him a dirty look, and if possible, he felt even worse.

hr 

Lily had been sitting at the wall for almost an hour when she saw a tall boy with black messy hair walk out to buy food. She looked at him closely, and decided that he was obviously the boy who had been discussing broomsticks; he was covered in _that_ Quidditch paraphernalia. Lily thought he was quite good looking, despite the fact that he was just so stereotypically boy-ish. She hoped for a very brief moment that she would be in the same house as him, the way in which he was walking to her almost indicated that he wanted to be friendly to her, but then he threw his chocolate frogs on her. The train bounced, and he stopped and threw seven chocolate frogs on her.

Feeling even worse than before, Lily was upset for already being ridiculed on her first day in the Wizarding world, and hurt that someone would do something like that on their first day at school. She glared at the Potter boy, hoping that he felt awful for every part of newfound hatred she was feeling. _Throwing chocolate frogs, and wearing ridiculous Quidditch tops, and for a moment I thought he was going to be alright! _Lily had firmly decided that school would most certainly be torture with James Potter in the vicinity.

Angry with herself for even assuming that a boy like that would ever be nice, Lily stood up, tossed her hair, and made for the next compartment, even though she had no idea who would greet her when she went inside. Trying to slap of the last of the frogs, which she had thought for a moment were real, she was greeted by another small girl, Alice, who was also sitting on her own. They smiled kindly at each other, before Lily began to discuss how much she was already beginning to hate James Potter.

hr 

When James and Sirius returned to their own compartment, to be greeted with more cheers and congratulations from Remus and Peter, James couldn't help but feel slightly disappointed with their merriment. She had looked so angry with him, and all he had wanted to do was help her. So had looked so lost, and so miserable, and now she was probably alone again and hating him. When Sirius, who still found the whole affair extraordinarily entertaining, asked him, why had he so brilliant set all those chocolates loose on that girl, he could simply reply, "Because I thought she was kind of cute," and feel helplessly guilty on the inside. James remembered her face, even though furious, and felt a small jolt in his stomach which he had never felt before.


	2. Teasing and Transfiguration: Second Year

Teasing and Transfiguration – Second Year

When Lily Evans had been sorted into Gryffindor, James had been standing in line with his fingers crossed, hoping that he would also be in the same house as her. After realising that his funny stomach jolts had nothing to do with lack of food, but rather, more of Lily, James had started doing anything to gain her attention, but failed dismally. Admittedly, Sirius thought him to be somewhat of a new Hogwarts legend, brilliant at Quidditch, good looking, popular, and his best friend. However, James had only one reason now to be all of these things and this was to get the attention of Lily Evans, who hadn't failed to live up to her own attitude. She hated him beyond everything else, she was so engrossed with hating James that she could hardly see how he really felt.

James spent first year trying to be kind to her, but backfired every time. Accidentally offending her, tripping her over unintentionally and ruining her homework, all contributing to the near endless list of James' failed attempts. He was determined to prove that he was better this year, but for some reason, he attracted every other girl except for her, and she hated him for it. He obviously thought that this was blatantly unfair, but he couldn't stop his behaviour. James had a reputation to uphold now, and had decided that he was going to keep it, and just hope Lily would pick up _some_ sort of signal that wasn't negative for a change.

As much as James was determined to appear 'cool' to everyone else at Hogwarts, it was in second year that he needed to share his thoughts about Lily to someone he trusted. Telling Sirius wasn't as easy as he hoped, the idea of this being a complete joke in order to humiliate her crossed Sirius' mind several times, but as soon as James explained that his new habit was etching her initials everywhere, the laughter subsided, and the two schemed ways as to how James was going to snare Lily.

Lily herself was experiencing quite an opposite emotion, however. She loathed James as much as she possibly could, him and the way that he acted around any member of the female population, and the way he tried to use the same 'technique' on her. She felt more disgusted with him every time he tried. While making her way to transfiguration that same day, she wanted to kick something as soon as she heard him approaching her in the corridor.

"Hey Evans!"

"Forget it Potter, your fluffed hair 'I'm too good for myself' kind of attitude isn't working on me."

"You know it is, Evans!"

Lily made a noise of disgust, and James felt his stomach do its favourite acrobatic routine, she was so adorable. She had seated herself in a position at the front of the class with Alice, knowing perfectly well that James would be right at the back, but instead, Sirius and James made their way straight to the front, with bemused Remus and Peter following in their paths.

"Great…." She hissed to Alice, and started copying McGonagall's notes without question, lost in total concentration.

James wasn't paying any attention to McGonagall's notes. He was busy staring at Lily, become just as attracted to her 'concentrating' face as he was to her 'concerned' and 'angry' faces. He had started writing her name constantly on his piece of parchment, figuring that he could learn how to do this spell some other time, when Lily wasn't within staring distance.

When McGonagall asked a question to the class, James let the noise wash over him, he didn't care at all, but Lily's hand shot straight into the air, and gave an answer which could most certainly challenge some fourth year students' essays. James was marvelling at her brilliance, while McGonagall was saying "Well done, Miss Evans!" James wanted to continue staring at Lily, thinking about how darn smart she was, when he felt a hard nudge in his ribs from Sirius.

"Uh, yeah, well done, Miss Evans for being an utter know-it-all."

James felt awful saying it, but he knew that if he didn't keep his crude self, he would be subject to torment from any number of Slytherins. The detention, and nasty look from Lily were his punishments, he felt so awful for having to do this to her. He sighed and muttered, "I can't believe how incredibly smart that girl is…." while placing his hands on his face while the other was busy writing 'Lily Evans, the gorgeous genius.'

* * *

"I can't believe him, Alice!"

Lily was enraged.

"He thinks he's so funny and popular, but really he's quite pathetic. He doesn't know how awful he can make me feel sometimes, and he thinks I'd want to talk to him? I'm NEVER giving him a chance! That boy hasn't got a clue…."

"Well, Lily, my mum says boys tease you because they like you…"

"That's rubbish Alice. Look at Frank, he goes pink and smitten every time he sees you."

Lily couldn't muster any more conversation with Alice now that she had mentioned Frank Longbottom. She listened politely while walking back to the common room, preparing to make sure James knew perfectly well that he was the biggest prat she had ever had the misfortune to meet.

"Potter!" she screeched upon entering the common room.

"Evans, is there something you want?"

"Yes, Potter! Leave me ALONE! I'm tired of you making me feel like I'm just any girl that you're trying to snare, and the teasing is making your appeal shred away every single day."

"Well, Evans, I can see you're the little heartbreaker."

"I am NOT!" She had half a look of disappointment, as well as anger on her face, and James took this all in, becoming attracted to her newest facial expression.

"If you want me to leave you alone, of course I will Evans."

"Oh, finally!" She sounded pleased with herself.

"Only when we're out of Hogwarts and you're at work, because every other time of day you're going to have to put up with me"

She made her favourite noise of disgust, and before storming out of the common room, managed to yell, "I HATE you, Potter!" directly in his dejected face.

* * *

A/N: Next chapter, the third year moment. 


	3. Hogsmeade: Third Year

Hogsmeade – Third Year.

Lily was awoken from deep sleep in her third year at Hogwarts by a large owl tapping at the window. Frustrated that the owl could possibly have come at breakfast instead, Lily begrudgingly walked to the window to collect the letter from the owl. She recognised the writing instantly and groaned, wishing she had left the owl sitting outside all night.

_Lily,_

_I hope you're having a miserable time at school with the rest of the freaks, while I am here enjoying myself. Mother is _forcing_ me to write to you, and as much as I regret wasting this time, I would like to share some news with you. I have a boyfriend now, unlike you, who'll be alone and ugly forever. His name is Vernon Dursley, and he's very charming, and goes to Smeltings, which means he is very proper and appropriate to meet our parents, any boyfriend you have (if you even get one) will blow up our kitchen. Mum says he looks like he eats a little too much, but I don't understand why she says this, I think Vernon looks like a baby whale, and they're adorable. I hope if we ever are to have children they'll look just like Vernon! Well, this letter should keep mum pleased._

_Petunia.  
_

Sighing and tossing the letter aside, Lily felt cold and miserable and started watching the sun rise slowly from outside the window. Petunia had a boyfriend already, and was having a good time, and Lily was at Hogwarts with only Alice and studying to do. The closest thing Lily had to a boyfriend was her schoolbooks, or James Potter, for whom she'd no sooner eat beetle eyes than date. Feeling even worse than before, Lily sighed, and thanked herself that her schoolbooks were not like having a boyfriend who looked like a baby animal.

* * *

At breakfast that same day, James was shifting uncomfortably in his chair. Today was the first Hogsmeade weekend he had even had the opportunity to go on, and he had planned to ask Lily to spend the day with him. He didn't feel like eating much, he was far too nervous. He had spent the last night imagining them buying sweets together and drinking Butterbeer with their friends, but his thoughts were slightly dampened by the fear of having to ask her out, on a date, for the very first time. James had then been hoping that she had noticed him, he tried show hard to show her that he was a decent guy, but if she had believed any of it was his main concern.

He wondered how he would ask her, and how she would react, but his mind was soon crowded by visions of them walking down the streets holding hands and laughing at each other's jokes, causing James' train of thought to be largely interrupted. Leaving the great hall slowly to get dressed, he hardly noticed the glare the small redhead gave him as he left. He reached the dormitories shortly after, noticing Sirius who was already stuffing his jacket pockets with coins.

"James mate! You're not even ready yet! I want to get there early to get as much stuff as I can!"

"Yeah, well, erm, about that Sirius…" Sirius gave James a glare for a brief moment, and then changed quickly into a knowing smile.

"No, I get it now James, you want to ask _her_ to go with you, I don't mind. Remus and Peter and I will get a head start, ok?"

James thanked Sirius, and ran with his jacket down to the common room waiting for Lily to come down from her dormitory, so he could finally ask her to go with him. He sat on the couch, patiently waiting. When she hadn't arrived for almost half an hour, James stood up reluctantly, and began to fasten his jacket, pausing when he finally heard some small footsteps coming down the stairs. He turned around quickly, to see Lily entering the common room. Gathering as much courage as he could possibly find, he turned around grinning at her, and cheerfully called out.

"Evans!"

"Potter."

James' nerves increased when she simply grunted his name back, with nothing but a slither of the same enthusiasm he had. Still, he knew that if he didn't ask her now, he would extremely regret it later, and with this thought, he stepped in front of her, preparing to do what he had been wishing for nearly three years.

"Hey Evans, how about you go out with me?"

She looked vaguely stunned at first, and James wasn't quite sure what to make of her reaction, until her face brightened suddenly. Giving James the largest sense of hope, he started grinning back, and almost told her how much he had been dreaming of her saying 'Yes.' His face fell almost as quickly, however, when Lily did not answer him, but instead, burst into fits of laughter. She laughed so hard, and so forcefully, that James had never been so offended and hurt by anyone in such a manner before. Pushing her way past him, she left the common room, leaving James standing with his face appearing on the verge of tears.

"Maybe next time, eh?"

But his words were drowned out by Lily's laughter.

Moving over to the couch, James sat down and wearily stared out of the window. She had laughed at him. She had said nothing, she had just ridiculed him, as if it were a joke that one found extremely amusing. He wished he could kick himself, the first girl that he had ever had the courage to ask out, the only girl he had ever wanted to ask out, merely thought he was something to laugh at. Feeling extremely hurt, James wondered for a brief moment if it was worth giving up on Lily, perhaps to even take a liking to Alice, but as he saw the red hair moving outside the window, no longer laughing, rather looking deep in thought, James decided that moving on from her was _not_ an option.

* * *

Lily was shocked. James Potter, the one who had enjoyed tormenting her, making her feel uncomfortable and hurt, had just asked her out. She immediately realised that laughing at him wasn't awfully nice, but he deserved it. All the teasing and all the torture that he had put her though had her quite convinced that it was indeed a nasty joke. Something that Sirius and James would plot together to make her feel like an idiot when she said yes. However, something about the way James' face had fallen when she started laughing, and something about the way he did nothing afterwards made her consider the fact that he _might_ have been serious. The first boy that had ever asked her out, and she just laughed at him like he was a clown.

Lily's thoughts returned to her letter from Petunia, and she pondered for a brief moment what James really would be like if he met her parents. Realising that James would indeed have a large temptation to blow up their kitchen, Lily believed her decision had been the best, but wished for a brief moment if James could only be a little bit nicer…

* * *

A/N: Next chapter… Fourth year, and plenty of failed attempts… 


	4. Carvings and Attempts: Fourth Year

Carvings and Attempts – Fourth Year.

Professor Flitwick wasn't the only one noticing a surprising number of initials on the school desks over the duration of James' fourth year at Hogwarts. In fact, several of the teachers had been starting to discuss who the culprit was, who the mysterious engraver of the 'L.E' around the school could possibly be. James knew perfectly well who was doing this. Unable to communicate with Lily, who would now ignore him completely, or screech furiously at him, James had taken to engraving her initials every time he started having severe lapses of concentration due to her. Consequently, at least every third classroom in Hogwarts had an 'L.E' engraved inside.

He did consider for a minute that Lily may get blamed for his now superb etching skills, but seeing as every teacher in the school deemed her as the brightest witch of their year, his thoughts were shoved firmly to the back of his mind. After his first rejection by Lily, James briefly gave up trying to ask her out, and instead threw himself immensely into a new routine of making sure she noticed him whenever they were visible to each other. Including James being in the Astronomy tower cat calling to Lily as she made her way to Hagrids. He knew it was annoying her, but he hoped that she would soon notice how dedicated he was to paying attention to her.

Sitting in the common room that evening, James could hardly take her eyes off of her. For four years he had been doing nothing but obsess over her, and it was now accepted by nearly every male student in the school that Lily was taken constantly by James, taken by his never ceasing wishes to be able to hold her and to shout out that he was crazy about her. She was so beautiful.

Coming out of his third Lily stupor for the day, Sirius nudged him when he noticed that Alice was staring across the room at them, soon to be followed by Lily.

"Hey Evans!" James called out. She rolled her head so she was looking at him with her 'I'm pretending I care face', James' third favourite of Lily's faces.

"How about you go out with me?"

"NO! Potter, would you just give up?"

"NO! Evans, I don't want to give up!"

She made a large grunt of frustration and turned back to face the fire again, while Alice was still casting furtive looks in their direction.

* * *

As James made his way down to breakfast the next day, he instantly spotted Lily and Alice sitting at the Gryffindor house table, and he quickened his pace and took the seat directly next to her and merrily greeted her,

"Morning, Evans!"

Without moving her head from her bowl, Lily sighed and replied,

"Potter, don't even think about trying to ask…"

"Hey Evans, how about you go out with me?"

"I told you not to bother asking."

James didn't even appear to be annoyed by this at all, he simply started shovelling food into his mouth, with several disgusted looks from Lily he chose to admire, not ignore, and then soon started looking at her, without eating anything at all, his spoon moving around on the table. When Lily stood up to leave, she looked down at James who was still gawping at her with his spoon moving around.

"Potter, would you, urgh, shut your mouth when you look at me. I do NOT appreciate your tongue. And, that scratching is BLOODY annoying!"

"Evans, that attitude is so bloody annoying."

She left in a huff without noticing the newest set of 'L.E' initials in the house table.

* * *

Lily's day was increasingly frustrating. James had been incredibly annoying, refusing to stop asking her out, and she was almost on the verge of asking McGonagall if she could permanently ban having James speak to her, but Alice said that Lily might regret that decision one day. It was most certainly looking more appealing now. Waiting alone in the common room for Alice to arrive, she spent a large amount of time avoiding turned anywhere near James had chosen to sit, who liked to move a lot. Sirius claimed that it was so James could have a better view of her, but obviously this was rubbish.

Alice arrived in the common room about an hour later than usual, looking particularly frazzled, and extremely happy. Her hair was messed, and her robes creased and she had a grin that couldn't be matched by anyone, not even the time Sirius had hit Filch in the face with a dungbomb and managed to escape any trace of punishment.

"Where have you been?!" Lily asked curiously, thinking that Alice had been out flying for the past hour.

Alice turned a bright shade of pink.

"Well, I've, errr, Frank said that he needed to talk to me after dinner and…"

Suddenly Lily completely understood.

"You've been snogging Frank!"

Alice burst into a fit of giggles, and collapsed onto their usual couch.

"So, how was it?"

"It was perfect. He told me that he had liked me for a very long time, and that he didn't think he'd be able to make it through the rest of the year without being with me. He said I was the most wonderful thing, and then he kissed me and he…"

"OK! That's quite enough, I understand now!"

Lily let Alice sit grinning on the couch, while thinking silently to herself. Both of the females that were in here life now had boyfriends, Alice now had perfect Frank, and Petunia had perfect Vernon, and Lily still had nothing. Lily wondered what was wrong with her. Why she only attracted people like James. Trying to not think of how sorry she was for herself, she turned to Alice, who now looked like she was bursting to talk about Frank.

"Lily, he's amazing!" Alice blurted out.

"I'm sure he is, Alice, you'd never pick anyone who was anything less than amazing."

"And he thinks I'm beautiful!"

"Well, at least we know Frank isn't blind…"

"And he's a fantastic kisser! The things he does with his mouth…"

"Erm, ok, I'll take your word for it Alice."

Neither noticed Sirius who was standing behind them, listening to every word.

"Oi, James! Did you hear Longbottom is a good kisser?" he shouted across the common room.

"No, Sirius, I didn't!" James shouted back.

"So, Lily, it looks like everyone is snogging someone except for you!" Sirius jeered.

"Shut up, Sirius, who are you snogging might I ask?"

"None of your business," Sirius replied smoothly, completely covering the fact that he was telling a rather large lie.

"Right, Sirius, so you're trying to make me feel bad for not kissing anyone, when I'm only fourteen? I can live without this, thankyou very much."

"Are you sure, Lily? Don't you want to snog Jamesy over there?"

James seized his chance.

"Yeah, Evans! How about you…"

"NO POTTER!"

* * *

A/N: Thanks for all your lovely reviews, fifth year is up next… 


	5. Big Headed Show Off Toerag: Fifth Year

A/N: To those who want to know what happens in the sixth and seventh years vaguely you can read chapter 2 of my other story 'Emerald Green' for a few hints… And for those who want my blood for not having James try and kiss Lily yet could find the reason why… or something to fulfil fluff needs while waiting for this! :)

I also can't type in the actual OotP event, because it's plagiarism, so I assume you all know what James and Sirius did to Snape when he came by…

* * *

The Big Headed Show-Off Toerag – Fifth Year.

James Potter was sitting over by the lake, playing ridiculously with a snitch, which Lily assumed was most definitely stolen. She looked over her shoulder and noticed that several girls were admiring him intensely, and she felt a shudder of pure anger when he fluffed his hair and seemed to bask in their attention. Muttering 'pathetic' slowly under her breath, she tried to continue reading, but was distracted at Peter's constant praises.

"Oh, James, wonderful catch!"

"Thanks, Peter!"

It wasn't as though he needed to do this to get attention, Lily also decided. Excluding Narcissa and a number of the Slytherin girls, nearly every girl wanted James. All Lily ever seemed to hear was endless rants about how perfect he is, 'James is so cute!', 'He's the most incredibly talented Quidditch player I've ever seen', 'Do you think he'd go out with me?' It made Lily feel nauseous.

What made Lily feel slightly more nauseous, however, was that James ignored every single one of those girls, the girls who would follow him around the school like he was the most famous person in the world. Instead, James would never stop taunting her, and she just _knew_ it was connected with the same emotion she felt. Hate. She despised him, and figured that he would despise her just as much back. If he stopped parading himself, or stopped tormenting the Slytherins for a while, Lily thought there was a chance that she could stop hating him.

Then Severus Snape walked near James.

* * *

He could see her sitting by the lake, just a little bit further away from him, with her green eyes whizzing through a book, her face tightened in concentration, and her red hair flying wildly in all directions. He was still entirely convinced that she was the most beautiful thing to exist, with absolutely no competition. Wanting nothing but for her to tell him that she _liked_ something about him, James pulled out a snitch from his pocket which he had stolen from a Quidditch match only a few days before.

Releasing it from his grasp, James went darting after it, while Remus rolled his eyes into the back of his head.

"Look, Sirius, James has gone into lets-get-Lily mode again…"

"Remus, don't we all know that it's never going to work?"

James paid no attention to their conversation. He thought it would _have_ to work. He turned around briefly and saw several girls staring in his direction, but Lily still buried in her book looking. Fiddling with his hair in frustration, he went back to catching the snitch, becoming desperate for something to catch her attention.

Why wasn't it working? Why did every girl he didn't want have to follow him around? It was dreadfully annoying, and he tried so hard to make sure Lily would never think that he fancied any of them, that he only wanted her, but it seemed to make her angrier. She would do her hair toss that he enjoyed watching so much, throw her best 'angry face' in his direction, and storm off, leaving him feeling slightly hurt, but more determined to try and make her notice _something_ next time.

Then James saw Severus Snape come nearby.

* * *

Lily wanted to kick something in her rage. Everything had just gone completely and utterly wrong, and she was feeling such a large mesh of emotions that she didn't quite know what she wanted to do, except for kicking _anything_ as hard as she could. James had done one of the cruellest pleas for attention she had EVER seen, she had just defended Severus, and in return, she was now a useless 'mudblood'. Lily was so hurt.

Furiously screeching the password at the Fat Lady, Lily made her way up to her bed and starting crying, quite helplessly. What had she ever done to deserve this? She looked over into the next bunk, hoping to see Alice sitting on her bed doing homework, but instead she only saw a note which had something that vaguely looked like 'I'm with Frank!!!!' in rushed writing. Lily's surge of sadness increased. Everything seemed to happen to her, everything bad, and it was entirely James' fault.

* * *

James slumped back against the tree by the lake. He felt awful. Everything that had just happened, Lily being called a mudblood, himself being called a toe-rag, it was entirely his fault. He felt so helpless, and it was reflected in every part of his body. His face was so glum, and he felt so useless, all he wanted to do was tell Lily that everything would be alright, but he was quite sure he'd be met by his least favourite of Lily faces. The 'I hate James Potter' face.

Sirius, Remus and Peter exchanged grave looks with each other, no one knowing what to say to comfort their friend, who was obviously going through some severe mental turmoil at that moment. It was so dismal, seeing their friend look this hurt and confused. Sirius took it at his liberty to try and restore James' mood.

"James, mate, don't worry about it. It'll all pass over soon, well, eventually anyway," and Sirius gave his most reassuring pat on the shoulder.

James only grunted in reply.

"I'm not kidding James, when I say that you could have any girl in this school. Except for maybe my rotten cousin. Look, your girly fan club is virtually in tears seeing you like this!"

James looked over to the bunch of girls, who began giggling shrilly when they saw him. For the first time, he felt rather disgusted.

"Sirius. I don't want any other girl in this school except for Lily."

Remus, Sirius and Peter exchanged looks again, knowing that he would never give up. James had been persisting with his Lily adventures since first year, and they all sincerely knew that it would take an infinite amount of convincing to change his mind. Deciding a change of tactics was required, Remus interjected.

"Perhaps you should stop being, well, exuberant around her so much?"

Remus knew that James had barely understood what he was trying to tell him.

"James, you need to stop showing off around her. She doesn't like it. Maybe she'll pay attention to you more, if you don't want any?"

James nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, you're right Remus. I'll stop just for Lily."

"She is a very pretty girl, James."

James grinned slightly at Peter, who had just finally said exactly what James had needed to hear.

"No, Peter, she's the most beautiful and incredible person in the universe."


	6. Acception and Rejection: Sixth Year

Acception and Rejection – Sixth Year

* * *

Since Remus had suggested it, James had been working as hard as he could to try and stop drawing so much attention to himself. He had stopped fluffing his hair intentionally, and playing with the Snitch in front of crowds of girls. He had stopped cat calling out her name from across buildings and he had stopped playing pranks on her in the common room. Remus, Sirius and Peter mentioned nothing about this change. They all knew exactly what James' purpose was, and Sirius had taken it upon himself to replace James' ego in its absence, with no hesitation whatsoever.

His change, however, seemed to be working for the better. There had certainly been rather a drastic difference in the amount of vile glares he had once obtained from Lily, and there was even a small moment in Transfiguration that day, when he had gotten his hopes as high as they could possibly become.

James had been etching Lily's initials into the fourth desk in the classroom, his goal to have every one with an 'L.E' engraved in the top corner. Completely unaware that Professor McGonagall was pacing the class observing their work, James continued to make the initials slightly deeper, only to be snapped out of his lapse by a loud, almost triumphant 'Aha!'

"Potter, would you please stand up for me?" Professor McGonagall had a rather large smile on her face, making James understand that he was finally caught.

"Have I done something, Professor?"

"Well, Potter, there has been quite a hunt for the so-called 'L.E' culprit for the past few years, and I think I've finally discovered who's been defacing all the school's desks."

"And chairs, and bedposts, and books, and…" Sirius trailed off as soon as he saw James send him a rather murderous look.

"Potter, you will receive a detention, and you will attend no matter how much you make those noises at me, or else I will tell Miss Evans exactly how many of these have been found around the school. Now you may sit down."

Refusing to look at anything besides his school books, James was quite sure he heard Alice giggling to Lily, who was keeping the straightest face she possibly could.

* * *

Lily was making her way back to the common room after one of the most insanely embarrassing Transfiguration lessons she had ever been to. She would have never, ever, have guessed that James had spent his time over the past years etching her initials into his desks. She could only think of one possible explanation for this, but it was the one thing that she had been trying to deny for the past five years.

What Lily was feeling at that precise moment was obscure. She felt, odd, as though she didn't understand exactly what was happening, but there was also something else telling her that 'James likes you and you've been ignoring it for far too long!' The latter was convincing her more than she had hoped.

Her most recent letter from Petunia had made her feel slightly jealous, and made her wish that she had a boyfriend. Petunia was getting married to Vernon shortly, and spent the entire letter telling her about how wonderful it was to have someone that loves you, and how awful Lily must feel, because the only people that will ever love her are her parents. And now she had just discovered something about James, a James who had become slightly more tolerable this year. Lily almost bounced the rest of the way to the common room.

* * *

James couldn't make it inside the common room. He was completely swamped by the sixth year girls, desperate to know why he liked Lily Evans. Their questions would never stop, and eventually, they began to tell him odd things that Lily did, and he regretted not having the entire school know much earlier.

"When Lily sleeps, she sometimes makes squeaks with her nose!"

James laughed, and though about how gorgeous Lily must be when she was sleeping.

"She does, doesn't she? And when Lily reads in the dormitory, she doesn't even realise when she gasps at what she's reading!"

James laughed again.

Lily was horrified when she arrived. James was surrounded by girls, and he was laughing and being completely ridiculous in front of all of them. She didn't even need to pay attention to what they were saying, James hadn't changed at all. He was still showing off around all the girls in the school, and suddenly the odd feeling that Lily had was starting to turn back into pure rage. When the crowd of girls noticed Lily, they giggled, and started making their way back to their dormitories, leaving James and Lily standing outside the common room on their own.

"Let me through, Potter," she hissed.

James was stunned. He didn't know why she was so angry.

"Have I done something?"

"Let me THROUGH Potter!" she hissed again, causing James to stand in front of the Fat Lady, blocking Lily's entrance to the common room.

"No, tell me what's going on? What did I do to you? You know I've…"

"Potter, I DON'T CARE! You can't help yourself, showing off around everything in the school that happens to be female, including Filch's cat!"

"You don't even know what they were laughing about, Evans!"

"Oh yes I do! You were just acting out another one of your Quidditch stunts, or telling them about how you managed to embarrass me in front of McGonagall, now LET ME IN!"

"Evans, we were talking about you, how I like you!"

"You were NOT! Now LET ME IN!"

James stared hard at her face, which was screwed up with sheer fury. He tried to look as convincing as he possibly could, and prepared himself for what he thought would be another rejection.

"Hey, Evans, how about you go out with me?"

"I will if you let me in."

James gasped. He dropped his hands from the common room entrance and let Lily pass through. She turned back to face him, still red with anger, the anger mostly at herself for being so stupid, for thinking James might be decent.

"Kidding Potter! I'd never go out with you. Ever. The chances of me going out with you are about as great as Sirius being sent to Azkaban for helping Voldemort."

Lily shut the portrait hole in his face.

She was met by Sirius and Remus looking absolutely disgusted with her, and Peter looking quite terrified.

"How DARE you do that to James!" Sirius roared at her.

Lily said nothing, but pushed her way past him and walked up the stairs. She knew it was by far the most terrible thing she had ever done to James, but perhaps this would make him understand. She decided didn't want him now.

* * *

James slid down onto the floor beneath the Fat Lady, and felt completely hopeless. With his face turning into something rather dismal, he raised his hands to hide it from view, but the backs of them were covered in 'J.P & L.E', which feel, if possible, even worse. The fat lady looked down at him, "There, there. There are plenty of fish in the sea." James turned to the fat lady and replied,

"But I love her."

A/N: Nearly at the end!!! I hope I've tortured you all enough! I promise that the seventh chapter will have so much fluff that you'll go all giggly for about five hours. :)


	7. On A First Name Basis: Seventh Year

On a First Name Basis – Seventh Year

James hadn't said anything to Lily since she hurt him in sixth year. He never stopping liking her, not for one moment, but he hadn't said anything to her. There was no possible way he could redeem himself now. He felt sad for long periods of time, because the sensible side of him was shouting 'James, you have to give up on this girl! She's never going to like you. This year will finish and you'll never see each other again, so give up now.' However, something else in James was screaming even louder, 'James, don't you dare stop now! Not after this long. She'll see it soon. Keep waiting.' And so, this is what James had spent his seventh year at Hogwarts doing. Studying and waiting.

It wasn't without a great mass of rumour that James managed to spend a large amount of his final year at school in silence. People were saying he had gone quite insane because of the N.E.W.T's, and others were saying that he had accidentally magically silenced himself by eating too many owl droppings. Speaking only to Remus, Sirius, and Peter, James paid no attention to the buzz of his lacking social life, but instead threw himself into his school work.

He missed her, James missed Lily so much, the way that he could never talk to her, the way he could never say anything. He even felt awkward glimpsing at her for a brief second because he knew that she might yell at him. To tell him to go back to the screaming girls and to leave people like her alone. But the small moments that he did get to look at her, and the small moments when he caught her staring at him, they made all his studying worthwhile.

* * *

Lily knew that it was her fault. That James had changed completely because she had hurt him, and after the first week of his helpless disposition, Lily felt utterly awful. She had spent a large amount of time pondering on what she could possibly say to him to fix things, but failed every time. It seemed there would be nothing that could cure this, Lily had no idea of what she needed to do.

What made Lily feel worse, was that she missed him. She didn't understand why at first, after having spent six years loathing him, but then it dawned on her shortly after she had hurt James. The more she hated him, the more he tried, and something in her enjoyed the way he would chase her down at least three times a day. James could have had his choice of any girl in the school, but he never gave up on her, not for nearly seven years, and she had just made him feel horrible. Lily had pretended she hated James, but was indeed fooling herself. She didn't want to like James, because she wanted him to try something else new and adorable to try and get her.

And now, she had ruined it all, and was under the firm belief that she had destroyed any chance she would have with him. She could see the event happening in her mind, her telling James that she had been so stupid, and she was sorry for giving him that glare so many times (he probably hated that facial expression by now), and that if he wanted, well, maybe something could happen. She then saw herself being rejected, and her feeling as cold and as broken as James must have felt when she hurt him.

* * *

When James was studying late that evening, he didn't notice Lily walk down into the common room, look at him, and then sit down on the stairs. He didn't notice her staring at him, or fidgeting, like she was trying to make the toughest decision she had ever had to make. He didn't notice her set her face into her 'determined' expression, and walking quietly down the stairs. James only noticed when he felt the couch sink a little bit further, and a small hand touch him on the shoulder.

He felt rather embarrassed with himself, when he did nothing but let his jaw drop as he spent the most of this opportunity drawing this perfect image of Lily permanently into his mind. She was so close to him, he could count all her freckles, and so close he could get immensely lost in her eyes. He continued gaping, until she finally took her hand away from his shoulder, and placed it back on her lap, then quickly turning rather pink.

Lily didn't want to take her hand away from him, she was enjoying having him look at her like that, the way he always used to, but her never understanding what it meant. She sat there, looking at him just as much back, finally enjoying having the chance to stare at James, instead of pretended that she didn't want to. He was more attractive than she had realised. She wanted to fiddle with her now favourite bit of hair that would simply refuse to lie flat, and she want to move her hand onto his, so she could feel what it was like to have her fingers interlaced into his. Lily knew she would have take her hand away, and when she did, she wished he knew how much she didn't want to.

"What's going on?" James asked in a state of disbelief.

"I don't know," Lily honestly replied.

They stared at each other more.

"I'm so sorry for what I've done to you, Lily."

She enjoyed every moment of hearing James say her name. It felt perfect, as though she wished he had been saying nothing else but 'Lily' to her ever since she first heard her voice.

"It's alright, James, I'm the one who needs to…."

"No, no. Let me. I never meant to throw those chocolate frogs on you."

Lily looked surprised, and squeaked, which made James' stomach squirm.

"Y-you remember that?"

"I'm fairly sure that's the moment you started hating me."

Lily didn't want to admit that he was completely right. She just smiled sheepishly.

"It's my turn now, James," she paused for a moment to enjoy saying his name properly, and then continued, "I'm sorry I've done this to you. I had no idea, I never thought that anything you felt might be, well, something positive, anyway."

"How did you know that my feelings were positive?"

"I asked Professor McGonagall how many times my initials had been etched around the school."

James turned, if possible, a brighter pink.

"313 times so far, and she says she's sure there are several that haven't been discovered yet. I'm impressed."

"Well, that's what happens when the girl you're obsessed with hates you for seven years."

"I didn't mean to hate you! I was just stupid. And, wait- what? You're obsessed with me?"

"Of course I am."

Lily knew that something was going to be said, something that indicated that he might like her, but she wasn't expecting that. She wasn't expecting anything else, she was already melting, but James continued.

"I couldn't help it, every year it's been getting worse and worse. I couldn't, and I still can't stop thinking of you, ever. You've become exactly and everything that I've ever wanted, and I don't think that I could be more in love."

She said nothing, but a small grin erupted on her face.

"I really, really, really do love you Lily."

She still said nothing.

"If you need proof, you can ask the fat lady, she was present at the moment when I first said I did, and if you still don't beli…"

James couldn't speak anymore. Lily had leant forward and kissed him quickly.

"And I'm so in love with you, James."

James couldn't help himself; he let out a loud hoot of joy and then hugged her so tightly, so that she possibly couldn't escape him again. He kissed her, this time full of so much meaning, and so much happiness, that James felt like bombarding Lily with every single wonderful thought he had ever had about her.

"Hey, Potter, how about you go out with me?" Lily asked playfully.

"Evans, you just stole my line! I don't even know why you'd want to do that, seeing as it's failed me several hundred times…"

"Well, Potter, I thought I could make it work!"

"Of course I'll go out with you, Lily!"

"Wait until Petunia hears about this!"

"Your sister?"

"Yeah, she married Vernon, who looks like a baby whale."

"Do I look like a baby whale, Evans?"

"Yes, you actually do Potter!"

"Excellent, your parents will love me then!"

"As long as you promise me that you won't ever feel like blowing up our kitchen!"

They both laughed, while Lily finally held his hand, and James was able to tell her how much he loved her.

And Lily was sure that it was Petunia's turn to be the jealous one, James was most certainly not a baby whale.


End file.
